Here Are Some Kick-Ass ChalkBoard Writings by Bart S.
| I will not waste chalk |
| I will not aim for the head |
| I will not skateboard in the halls |
| I will not barf unless I'm sick |
| I will not burp in class |
| I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty |
| I will not instigate revolution |
| I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge |
| I will not draw naked ladies in class |
| I will not conduct my own fire drills |
| I did not see Elvis |
| I will return the seeing-eye dog |
| Funny noises are not funny |
| I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" |
| I will not snap bras |
| Garlic gum is not funny |
| I will not fake seizures |
| They are laughing at me, not with me |
| This punishment is not boring and meaningless |
| I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom |
| My name is not Dr. Death |
| I will not encourage others to fly |
| I will not defame New Orleans |
| I will not fake my way through life |
| I will not prescribe medication |
| Tar is not a plaything |
| I will not bury the new kid |
| I will not Xerox my butt |
| I will not teach others to fly |
| It's potato, not potatoe |
| I will not bring sheep to class |
| I will not trade pants with others |
| A burp is not an answer |
| The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy |
| I am not a 32 year old woman |
| Teacher is not a leper |
| I will not do that thing with my tongue |
| Coffee is not for kids |
| I will not drive the principal's car |
| I will not eat things for money |
| I will not pledge allegiance to Bart |
| I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call |
| I will not sell school property |
| The principal's toupee is not a frisbee |
| I will not cut corners |
| I will not squeak chalk |
| I do not have diplomatic immunity |
| I will not charge admission to the bathroom |
| I will not get very far with this attitude |
| Goldfish don't bounce |
| I will not make flatulent noises in class |
| Mud is not one of the 4 food groups |
| I will not belch the National Anthem |
| No one is interested in my underpants |
| I will not sell land in Florida |
| I will not sell miracle cures |
| I will not grease the monkey bars |
| Underwear should be worn on the inside |
| I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment |
| The Christmas pageant does not stink |
| I will not do anything bad ever again |
| I will not torment the emotionally frail |
| I will not show off |
| I will not call the principal "spud head" |
| I will not carve gods |
| I will not sleep through my education |
| I will not spank others |
| I am not a dentist |
| I will not bribe Principal Skinner |
| Spitwads are not free speech |
| I will finish what I start |
| Nobody likes sunburn slappers |
| "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender |
| High explosives and school don't mix |
| Hamsters cannot fly |
| All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy |
| I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause |
| I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers |
| My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man |
| I will not go near the kindergarten turtle |
| I am not deliciously saucy |
| Organ transplants are best left to the professionals |
| I will not send lard through the mail |
| I will not use abbrev. |
| Five days is not too long to wait for a gun |
| Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal |
| Indian burns are not our cultural heritage |
| There are plenty of businesses like show business |
| I will not dissect things unless instructed |
| I will not hang donuts on my person |
| No one wants to hear my armpits |
| I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface |
| I will not celebrate meaningless milestones |
| I will not strut around like I own the place |
| Next time it could be me on the scaffolding |
| The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far |
| I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist |
| I am not a lean mean spitting machine |
| The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan |
| I will not whittle hall passes out of soap |
| Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things |
| I do not have power of attorney over first graders |
| Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does |
| I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr |
| I am not certified to remove asbestos |
| "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice |
| I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball |
| I will remember to take my medication |
| The boys room is not a water park |
| Beans are neither fruit nor musical |
| Nerve gas is not a toy |
| "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism |
| The First Amendment does not cover burping |
| Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough |